The Great Witz

KA-CHNK

whirrrrrr-whirrr-whirrrrrr

The refrigerator kicked into gear and woke me up. I was sweating, I didn't know why I was sweating. My clammy hands fumbled at the sheets and my cheek hit a patch of slime as my face slid across a patch of leftover drool. I walked over to the light switch and flicked it on. My eyes squeezed themselves tight against the sudden glare. My head started to pound, matching cadence with the fridge.

Soon enough my eyes adjusted and I took a look around. Nothing out of the ordinary, my shitty one-room apartment was crammed full of piles of clothes, a dinky TV on top of that damn mini-fridge, a mattress on the ground, and a smattering of trinkets splayed across the ground. I wiped the last of the slime from my face and sat back down on my bed. The sweat had dried and I felt sticky, but not sticky enough to go down the hall and shower at - what time was it? ah - 3 in the fucking morning. Not knowing what else to do, I switched off the lights and popped on the television and turned on the DVD player, hoping something good was in.

I leaned back into a mess of pillows and blankets, feeling the fabric stick to my clammy self. I closed my eyes and tried to get to sleep again, but the lights made it difficult to get in the mood. After rolling around for a while I decided to get up and switch them off, immediately feeling a little more relaxed in the darkness. The TV still flickered and a splash of light was strewn out over the room, a bit of undulating light to match the hum and throb of that goddamn fucking mini-fridge that never shut up. For a moment I even considered unplugging it, but I was fairly positive I'd wind up with some sour milk in the morning, so instead I grabbed the remote and upped the volume on the tube. The clicker came out of my grasp wet with sweat. My entire body was still sticky, my underarms still damp. What had been going on, I wondered, had I been dreaming again? They said I wouldn't be able to dream anymore, but maybe they meant I just wouldn't remember them.

I shrugged it off and rolled over again, buried my face in a pillow, and tried forcing myself into sleep. The noise of the fridge had successfully been drowned out by the television, but the lights were too damn bright. Even with my eyes in the pillow it seemed like daylight. I sat up, rubbed my eyes, and accepted I was never going to get back to sleep.

I walked to the far end of my room, to where the fridge and TV sat next to a window. Looking out, I could see a bit of city. Some lights speckled the sky, I knew they were satellites but I hoped they were stars. It was a pretty big drop down to the sidewalk, a whole 8 stories. I like to throw gummy bears at the pedestrians during the day. Nobody gets mad when they realize the culprit was candy. Right now there wasn't a soul walking beneath my window, just some pieces of litter being blown around by the wind. I sighed and turned back to my room, finding my way by the sole light of the aged TV.

As I settled into my bed one more time I heard a slight giggle.

"Hey there, how are ya? Haven't heard from you in a while."

The giggling just continued, completely disregarding me. It wasn't new or anything, he (at least I'm pretty sure he was a him) used to show up before I started eating bits of batteries. He wasn't mean, he just smiled and showed me when it was time to laugh at myself. It was a bit surprising to see him right now, I had been good about my medicine. I had been good about therapy. I guess I must be really fucking hilarious right now.

I got up to switch the lights off, and noticed where the giggling was coming from. He was perched right on top of the TV, no body worth mentioning and a smile with lips that cracked and bled every time he started to laugh.

"OK, I get it. I'm having a weird night. Haha, hilarious."

He straight up guffawed at that. I shook my head and flipped the switch, observing as he was swallowed into darkness. The fridge revved up again, now mingling with the television and laughter. The rush of white noise was almost intoxicating. I jolted straight up and became dizzy, then tried to regain some balance. I lunged at the window to catch some fresh air, but stumbled into the fridge and knocked the TV off. The sound cut through my ears as the clatter of smashing glass reacted with the sudden silence from the movie. The room suddenly rang with laughter, and I whirled around. I couldn't see anything without the light of the TV. His laughter was the only thing guiding me, but it was echoing off of my walls. I had to stop that fucker, it wasn't funny anymore, I don't like being laughed at.

I stretched out my arms in an attempt to catch him, but wound up tripping and slamming my head into the door. Satellites sprang into my eyes and the laughter intensified.

"Fuck you!"

I screamed and ran across the room, this time my head making contact with my window. The falling glass hit my neck and I could feel blood form almost immediately. It trickled down as another sound entered the fray, a sudden and rapid knock.

"What's wrong? We heard crashes."

I turned to the door and screamed

"Stop fucking laughing at me! Stop it!"

The door burst open and two shadows grabbed me, a needle appearing out of nowhere. I smeared my blood on the shadows and kept screaming, eventually making myself slippery enough to escape. I bolted away from them and followed the incessant laughter. I jumped at it, then heard the laughter fade behind me as I fell towards the sidewalk.